Big Brother-Black Jewels Trilogy Edition!
by Skie
Summary: Well, you knew it had to happen eventually. 12 of my favorite and not-so-favorite characters are placed in the house and forced to live with each other. See who's voted off! R/R and I'll continue.
1. Intro

Disclaimer#1(hold up you guys, there'll be quite a few of these): I don't own the Black Jewels Trilogy(surprise surprise).  
  
Disclaimer#2: I don't own the show Big Brother. Not that I'd want to, since it did so poorly. In fact, I only watched one episode, so even though this fic is based of the show most of the details will be incorrect anyway. It's the humor I'm after, nothing more nothing less.  
  
Disclaimer#3: Deep down, I love all the characters from the trilogy. They are all linked in such a way that only Anne Bishop can describe and each one is treasure. However, there has to be some mockery involved. Don't take it as anything personal, in fact I hope you find it funny too. That's the point. After all, what's that saying? You always hurt the ones you love. Yeah, that's it.  
  
Disclaimer#4: The characters will normally be somewhat OOC. After all, they kind of have to be to be doing this in the first place right? So I just want to let everyone out there know that yes, I do in fact know that they are OOC.  
  
Disclaimer#5: I personally don't kick the characters out of the fic. That will be up to you guys. So don't get pissed at me if one of your fave characters gets kicked off, because it's not my fault! I just write it!  
  
Wow only five? Okay, now that that's out of the way, there's just some setup involved. In case you don't know how the show works, a certain # of people are placed a show for a certain # of days and they have to put up with each other. Along the way, they nominate people that they want kicked out of the house and then it is up to you the readers/viewers to decide who gets kicked out, based on whom you don't like. And of course, the goal is to be the last person remaining.  
  
We have 12 characters who will be placed in the Big Brother house. If they are the last character remaining we'll give them a slap on the back on the back and send them on their merry way. If not, we'll throw them off a cliff. Alright, time to meet our contestants. We have: Jaenelle, Daemon, Titian, Kartane, Surreal, Lucivar, Dorothea, Hekatah, Saetan, Cassandra, Karla, and Tersa. And then there's me of course who will be referred to as MDV(mysterious disembodied voice). Okay, I think that's it. Let's start.  
  
* * * * *  
  
The 12 contestants are pushed out of the vans they were kidnapped in and the blindfolds are removed. They blink as the sunlight hits their eyes and then turn to see their companions.  
  
Everyone(pointing at someone they hate): AHHH!!!! Not you!  
  
Jaenelle(to Dorothea and Hekatah): I killed you!  
  
Hekatah: Yeah. . .weird.  
  
Dorothea: I think I'd rather be dead.  
  
Daemon: Well, you won't have to wait for long* reaches for jewel* Hey wait a minute! My jewels are gone!  
  
Jaenelle: Oh no!  
  
Daemon(blushes): No not those! The ones I use to kill people.  
  
The women breathe a sigh of relief, but then everyone screams again.  
  
Everyone: Why are our jewels missing?  
  
MDV: ummm. . . well I couldn't just have you guys killing each other, what kind of a show would that be? So I took them away. This would also be a good time to remind all houseguests that only a minimal amount of violence is accepted; any one who does otherwise will promptly be thrown off a cliff.  
  
Everyone: Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Surreal(at Kartane): This is all your fault!  
  
Kartane: How could this be my fault? I'm dead, remember?  
  
Titian: Shut up, it's your fault.  
  
Kartane: You shut up!  
  
Titian: You!  
  
Karla: It looks like we have a dysfunctional family within the House family.  
  
Lucivar: Wow. . .you're an observant one.  
  
Karla: Be quiet or I'll cut you down to my size!  
  
Tersa: Vanilla bean. . .  
  
Everyone else: What?  
  
The pointless yet entertaining bickering continues for another 3 hours until the MDV interrupts.  
  
MDV: Shouldn't you guys start entering the house? I mean, there's a lot of arrangements that need to be worked out.  
  
Daemon: You mean I have to spend in indefinite amount of days with. . . (points in horror at Dorothea and Hekatah) them!  
  
MDV: Uhh yeah bucko, that's the point.  
  
Daemon: Did you just call me bucko?  
  
MDV: No.  
  
Dorothea: I'm gonna pick the first room.  
  
Jaenelle: Hell no!  
  
All contestants rush to grab a room but Cassandra hangs back.  
  
Cassandra: We're allowed to have sex in the house right?  
  
MDV: Of course, in fact that's one of the perks of the show. Not that I think you'll be getting any but. . . you never know.  
  
Cassandra: Aren't hosts supposed to be unbiased reporters of the events of the show?  
  
MDV: Yeah. . .about that. . .  
  
Meanwhile, the High Lord of Hell is trying to find a bedroom. Seeing the one next to the bathroom, he leaps inside.  
  
Hekatah and Dorothea(hissing and screeching): Get out! This room's taken!  
  
Saetan: Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Flying out, he tries the room next to it.  
  
Titian: Sorry, this room's taken too. All girls.  
  
Jaenelle: Oh papa, I'm soooo glad you're here. Those bitches took the room I wanted next to the bathroom. You go tell them to leave now!  
  
Saetan: Uh, sorry honey, I don't have any control over that. Just calm down and. . .try to enjoy yourself.  
  
He left then before Jaenelle could respond. Going into the final bedroom, he was almost relieved to see the three other males looking back at him.  
  
Saetan: Oh thank God it's you guys.  
  
Kartane(sneering): Speak for yourself.  
  
Lucivar: Shut up, remember it's your fault we're here in the first place.  
  
Kartane: It's not my fault!  
  
Daemon: Give me that pillow and shut up.  
  
Finally, Cassandra makes it into the room that is currently holding Jaenelle, Tersa, Karla, Surreal, and Titian.  
  
Cassandra(brightly): Hello gals.  
  
Surreal: Alright you guys this isn't going to work. There is only room for four of us, so two chicas are going to have to share a room with Dorothy and Hekatah.  
  
Titian: Ah, Dorothy, I get it!  
  
Karla: Well you know Surreal, Dorothy IS your grandmother.  
  
Surreal: Hey Kar, you wanna shut that hole in your face before I snap of your arms and make you a complete vegetable?  
  
Titian: You guys, that's enough of that!  
  
Cassandra: Yeah, whatever Harpy Queen.  
  
Titan: That's it you're outta here! Good-bye Cassie.  
  
Cassandra: What?  
  
Jaenelle: Yep, you've officially been kicked off the island.  
  
Cassandra: That's not fair!  
  
Karla: Okay we'll take a vote. Anyone that wants to room with Cassie raise their hand.  
  
Silence. . .a cricket chirps in the distance.  
  
Tersa: You ARE the Weakest Link, good-bye.  
  
Cassandra: phoo!  
  
Surreal: And who's next?  
  
Tersa: Madness. . .the madness is taking over. . . taxis. . . paper. . .coyotes  
  
Jaenelle, Karla, Titian, and Surreal: Good-bye Tersa.  
  
* * * * *  
  
1 Day Two  
  
* * * * *  
  
The day begins with a shadowy figure sneaking off to the bathroom. It is Jaenelle and she rounds a corner which has her consequently bumping into Cassandra . . .who is also making like Hell for the bathroom.  
  
Jaenelle(snaps): Owww, watch where you're going!  
  
Cassandra: Shove it Jaenelle, I gotta use the bathroom  
  
Jaenelle: Yeah. . . after me of course.  
  
Cassandra: Over my dead body.  
  
Jaenelle: You are dead, remember? Speaking of which, since you're demon dead you don't need to use the bathroom anyway.  
  
Cassandra: Like Hell I don't!  
  
Saetan: What about Hell?  
  
The commotion caused by the two women has the whole house awake and present, mutter under their breath about being awake so early.  
  
Daemon: Well BOTH of you are wrong, I need to primp myself so everyone else is going to have to wait.  
  
Titian: Yeah Sadi. You need to primp like I need another scar.  
  
Daemon(growls): That could be arranged. . .  
  
Suddenly the mutters are interrupted by a scream from the bathroom. Everyone rushes in to see Lucivar pawing frantically through the medicine cabinet.  
  
Hekatah: What are you doing?  
  
Lucivar: Not here! My cleansing strips for my pores are not here! I'll develop acne for sure!  
  
Everyone minus Lucivar smacks themselves on the forehead and goes back to catch whatever sleep they can.  
  
Later that day. . .  
  
Daemon enters a bright yellow room surrounded by mirrors.  
  
Daemon: Is this the complaint room? You know, the room where you bitch about your companions and then say what you need?  
  
MDV: Yes Sadist. . . what's up?  
  
Daemon: Well I got this problem. It turns out that my padre snores pretty loudly. So can you get me some sleeping draught or something?  
  
MDV: No.  
  
Daemon(angrily): Why not?  
  
MDV: Because sleeping aids are classified as drugs, and it is illegal for me to supply my guests with them. . . not that I should answer to you or anything.  
  
Daemon: You're so full of shit.  
  
MDV: What's your point?  
  
He storms out to be replaced by Jaenelle.  
  
Jaenelle: Salutations.  
  
MDV: Whatever.  
  
Jaenelle: I need honey.  
  
MDV: Sorry hon, I don't swing that way. Talk to Daemon.  
  
Jaenelle: No, the condiment. Honey.  
  
MDV: Oh. . .are you going to switch it with Dorothy's shampoo?  
  
Jaenelle: That's its intent.  
  
MDV: Done.  
  
A few minutes later, Cassandra enters.  
  
Cassandra: Is this the complaint room?  
  
MDV: Maybe.  
  
Cassandra: I'll take that as a yes.  
  
MDV: . . .  
  
Cassandra: Anyway, my complaint is my roommates. I need my personal space and Dorothea and Hekatah are positively awful. So I was wondering if I could get my own room?  
  
MDV: Ohhh sorry, no can do. When you signed on to do this program, you agreed to share a room. You can't back out now.  
  
Cassandra(exploding): I DIDN'T AGREE TO DO THIS SHOW!! I WAS KIDNAPPED AND FORCED TO LIVE WITH PEOPLE I CAN'T STAND!! I HATE THIS!! I WANT TO DIE!!  
  
Cassandra finishes dramatically, seething with rage, when she hears a click and then a beep.  
  
MDV's voice machine: You have reached the Mysterious Disembodied Voice. Sorry, I am unable to take your call. If you leave your name, I will get back to you ASAP.  
  
Cassandra: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Machine: Beep.  
  
* * * * *  
  
2 End of Day Two  
  
* * * * *  
  
What will happen in the next episode? Will Cassie and Tersa finally stand up to Dorothy and Hekatah? Will Lucivar get acne medication? Is it really Kartane's fault that the other 11 members are here? Find out next time; and we will also see the nominations for who will be voted out of the house. Hasta luego! 


	2. The Tigress

A/N : Hey, I'm really really sorry about the long wait for the second part, I'm really going to try and do better in the future. I know I've said this before, but hey, spring always brings in the idea of hope and . . . stuff. Anyways, a note on the voting. I already had pre-decided who was going to get nominated this session and if your vote was for one of those people then it was all good. Next time you guys will decide the nominees too, and if you voted for someone who was NOT pre-decided, then that counted for a nomination for next time. Got it? Hope so. . .there's a quiz later.  
  
Disclaimer: SFC (See First Chapter- there's no way I'm writing all that crap for each chapter.)  
  
* Day Three*  
  
Day three brings in a sense of withdrawal for our House guests. Daemon doesn't have his little black cigarettes and so he's snapping at anyone who looks at him strangely. Surreal desperately needs some coffee and is slowly rocking back and forth on the couch. Saetan is sitting sulkily on the recliner, upset over the loss of yarbarah. The only sound at all is Tersa muttering incessantly to herself.  
  
Tersa: Large passive beefy problems. . . cheerio of death. . .coming. . .coming  
  
Suddenly an announcement is echoed through the house.  
  
MDV: Will Lucivar Yaslana please come to the complaint room?  
  
Everyone except Lucivar: Ooooohhhhhh you're in trouble.  
  
Lucivar slowly sulks into the complaint room and straddles the chair impatiently.  
  
MDV: Good morning Yasi.  
  
Lucivar: Don't call me that.  
  
MDV: How are you feeling?  
  
Lucivar: Miserable, tired, and I think I have a zit on my nose.  
  
MDV: Okay! Well, I just called you in here to let you know that in a rare act of pity, we've decided to help you.  
  
A bottle of Neutrogena acne wash falls from the sky.  
  
Lucivar: This isn't a pore strip . . . but wait! I don't remember complaining about this! Does this mean. . . that you SAW me in the bathroom?  
  
MDV: Umm. . .yeah. That's kinda the point. I see you everywhere.  
  
Lucivar(squeaks): Even in the shower?  
  
MDV: Oh yeah!  
  
Lucivar screams and runs out of the room. He flies down to the living room his eyes darting around madly.  
  
Lucivar: They're watching us! Run away, far away! They're watching everything we do! It's evil! Evvvvvvvvvvillllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lucivar has another panic attack and starts running around in circles. Then he smacks into a wall.  
  
Lucivar: oww! Son of a-  
  
Karla: Hah! Dumbass.  
  
As Jaenelle sets to the task of trying to revive the fallen Eryien, Cassandra was trying to muster up the courage to confront Dorothea and Hekatah.  
  
Titian: C'mon you're tough, you can handle it. Go get 'em tiger.  
  
Cassandra: Can I be a tigress? It sounds prettier.  
  
Surreal, Karla, and Titian exchange exasperated glances and nod as Cassandra hesitantly climbs the stairs.  
  
Surreal: She's gonna get slaughtered.  
  
Saetan: We could only be so lucky.  
  
Dorothy and Hekatah are sitting on the floor watching Drew Carey reruns.  
  
Hekatah: I gotta learn where the Mimi chick does her make-up.  
  
Dorothy: I love Drew. . .he's so hot.  
  
Hekatah: Yeah, almost as hot as that Sadi guy.  
  
Dorothy: Uh-huh that's what I'm talkin' about.  
  
Both look up with smirks as they notice Cassie.  
  
Dorothy: Well look who's here. Our pansy-ass of a roommate.  
  
Hekatah(sweetly): Did you have a good time sleeping on the floor last night?  
  
Dorothy sniggers appreciatively.  
  
Cassie: Well actually. . . umm. . .you see. . . kinda no. And, you see, like I was thinkin' and all. . .  
  
Hekatah: A dangerous pastime.  
  
Cassie(confused): What? ::shrugs it off:: Well anyway, could we like, kinda share the room, you know, split it in half?  
  
Hekatah and Dorothea burst out into laughter, Hekatah holding her ribs together so her guts don't literally spill out of her stomach.  
  
Dorothy: I'm afraid that's an impossible request. You see, I need space to practice my oboe lessons.  
  
Hekatah: And I've gotta do my tap-dancing.  
  
Cassie: Oh, I see.  
  
Then, quick as lightening, Cassandra reaches under the bed and pulls out a string of velvet ropes. Nevermind how she got them, we don't know. She sets them up across the room and laughs triumphantly.  
  
Cassie: Oh yeah, I am the tigress; hear me roar.  
  
* Day Four*  
  
The players, save Dorothy and Hekatah, as they can not cross the velvet ropes and break the social taboo, are again sprawled in the living room with Tersa doing somersaults for some reason unbeknownst to the rest of us. Indeed, Saetan doesn't look as if he's even left the recliner since yesterday.  
  
MDV: Oh good, you're all already here.  
  
Daemon: That's a good thing?  
  
MDV: See that'd almost be funny except that no one got the joke ::everyone stares at Daemon blankly:: Anyways, it's time for nominations.  
  
Everyone continues to stare blankly at Daemon.  
  
MDV: Christ, what is with you people? Oh well, you better get over it soon. Cassie you're up first.  
  
Surreal: Why?  
  
MDV: We're going alphabetically.  
  
Surreal: Why?  
  
MDV: Because it's fun.  
  
Surreal: Why?  
  
Surreal suddenly gets wapped by the Mystical Mallet of Eternal Annoyance*, an instrument used exclusively by the MDV to correct unruly fictional characters.  
  
Surreal: Ow!  
  
Everyone save Surreal, bursts out laughing, and she glares that them as Cassie walks into the Nomination Room.  
  
MDV: So who do you want out?  
  
Cassie: Umm. . .well, as much as I love all my house guests. . .  
  
MDV: Sometime today. . .  
  
Cassie: How about. . .Dorothy because she's not that pleasant of a roommate and. . .oh I dunno. . .Jaenelle.  
  
MDV: You're not voting for Jaenelle because you're jealous, right?  
  
Cassie: What! Of course not. . . I mean, why should I be jealous just because she's the new Witch and everyone fawns over her and says how great she is. It's just. . . she took the shower from me.  
  
MDV: Okay ::mutters something like psycho: Daemon is next.  
  
Daemon storms in looking angry like he always does. Leaning casually against the wall, he stares sullenly off into space.  
  
MDV: Whenever you're ready.  
  
Daemon(glaring): Karla, because she's being a psychobitch and Dorothy because she's giving me funny looks.  
  
MDV: Alrighty then.  
  
Daemon: Did you hear me? She's giving me funny looks. I think she's planning on raping me or something.  
  
MDV: Okay, got it.  
  
Daemon: That's not allowed right? I mean, you'll stop her. You said no violence allowed. . .  
  
MDV: Uh-huh, let's go I got 10 more people to get through.  
  
Daemon snarls in fury and exits. There's a pause. Then another pause, followed by several more. . .  
  
MDV: Where's Dorothea?  
  
Kartane: The bitch is. . .um shall we say. . .contained?  
  
Kartane is wapped with the Mystical Mallet of Eternal Annoyance because he thinks he's being clever when he really is not. He yields the location of Dorothea and Hekatah and after "freeing" the two very pissed off individuals, the MDV returns with the next guest.  
  
MDV: So who do you vote off, not that it's hard to guess.  
  
Dorothy: Cassandra, because otherwise I'll kill her, and Hekatah.  
  
MDV: Hekatah? That might not be so wise considering you don't have an alliance with anyone else.  
  
Dorothy: That's what I want! You can't control me ::snaps the 'Z' in the air:: I do what I want. I don't tell you how to do your job.  
  
Hekatah enters next.  
  
Hekatah: Okay, I want the little Cassie bitch out, or she's gonna be food for my pet snake  
  
MDV: You have a pet snake?  
  
Hekatah: No.  
  
MDV: But you said. . . oh nevermind.  
  
Hekatah: And Saetan, because it's not good sharing a house with your ex- husband, it cramps my style.  
  
MDV: I understand.  
  
Jaenelle: Okay, I want Saetan out. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my papa to death, but I'm plannin' on having like this so killer party and I think he'll, you know, not fit in.  
  
MDV: So the High Lord of Hell seems to be a party-pooper. Continue.  
  
Jaenelle: And Cassie, she actually thought she could beat ME to the shower.  
  
Karla floats eerily into the room.  
  
MDV: And you?  
  
Karla: Jaenelle has to go, because she didn't stick up for me when Lucivar was giving me shit and we are so supposed to be BFF and all that. That was not BFF type attitude.  
  
MDV: Oh my God, you people need to get over yourselves.  
  
Karla: I'm not finished!!!!!!!!!!  
  
MDV: Okay, okay. And who else?  
  
Karla: Tersa, she's freaky. She was chanting 'blood' for an hour yesterday, no joke.  
  
MDV: And you Kartane?  
  
Kartane: Alright, I want Saetan, Daemon, and Lucivar out, cause then I'll be the only guy in the entire house with six women. Oh yeah, I'm a stud.  
  
MDV: One of which is your mother.  
  
Kartane: So, wait, I mean. . . uhhh. . .shut up!  
  
MDV(snickering): You can only vote for two people.  
  
Kartane: Oh well Daemon and Lucivar then, that geezer is not much competition if you know what I mean.  
  
MDV: ::rubs imaginary temples:: Next!  
  
Lucivar slowly enters.  
  
Lucivar: Can we vote ourselves off?  
  
MDV: Nope.  
  
Lucivar: Can we vote you off?  
  
MDV: No. Jeez Lucivar, one might think that you weren't enjoying your time here.  
  
Lucivar(sighing): Kartane then, because he's a little weasel, and Hekatah because she smells bad.  
  
MDV: Picky, picky. Saetan's next.  
  
Saetan: Okay, after careful deliberation I've chose Titian, because she scares me, and Hekatah because you can't share a house with your ex-wife. It cramps my style.  
  
MDV: ::bursts out into laughter::  
  
Saetan: That's funny?  
  
MDV(still giggling): No. :a pause until Surreal enters: And who is irritating you Surreal?  
  
Surreal: I definitely want Kartane out because he's a fucking little pervert and I can't stand being within 7 miles of him.  
  
MDV: Okay Surreal.  
  
Surreal: And Dorothy because she's evil.  
  
MDV: Hekatah is also evil Surreal.  
  
Surreal: Why do you keep saying my name?  
  
MDV: How do you like it?  
  
Surreal: You're childish.  
  
MDV: I know you are but what am I?  
  
Surreal: I'll bring Tersa in. You two might be able to relate.  
  
Tersa: Jaenelle and Cassie.  
  
MDV: Any particular reason?  
  
Tersa: Nope.  
  
MDV: You know what? You're cool, not bitchin' or complaining or any of that shit.  
  
Tersa: That's because I'm insane.  
  
MDV: Hehe, yeah.  
  
Lastly Titian enters.  
  
Titian: Alright, I want Saetan out, because he's being a lazy wuss. And Kartane because. . .he's a dork.  
  
MDV: Yeah he is.  
  
Titian: Way to be un-biased.  
  
MDV: Tell me about it.  
  
Finally the nominations are tallied. And everyone is again being gathered into the living room.  
  
MDV: Okay the people who are nominated to leave the house, again in alphabetical order-  
  
Surreal: Why?  
  
MDV: Don't start with me! It is Cassie-  
  
Cassie: Oh thank God!  
  
MDV: Umm. . .yeah. Dorothy, Hekatah, Jaenelle-  
  
Jaenelle: What? But… but everyone loves me!  
  
MDV: Apparently not. And Kartane, and Saetan.  
  
Lucivar: What about me?  
  
MDV: Nope, sorry. It seems people here like you.  
  
Lucivar: Are you sure my name's not on the list?  
  
MDV: Yes! Now all of you go watch TV or something. You only have two more days to spend with one of the people here.  
  
Well that's it. Sorry it probably wasn't worth the wait, but my brain hurts. What will happen in the next episode? Will Dorothy and Hekatah get their revenge? Will a board game throw our players into an all out war? Who will get kicked off? I don't know, haven't written it yet. Love reviews!  
  
*The Mystical Mallet of Eternal Annoyance is really a plastic yellow wiffle bat that I found in my garage. 


	3. I wanted to be Tersa!

A/N: Hey all, it's me, your friendly neighborhood MDV. I just wanted to apologize for the long wait. I don't have an excuse or anything, but you know. Well I bet you're all ready to go, so let's get started shall we?  
  
Disclaimer: SFC  
  
Day 5  
  
All our contestants are crowded around the kitchen table around a board came Surreal found under her bed called Black Jewels Trilogy Trivia Game. ::MDV pauses for evil laugh, Muahahahahaha. . . okay:: Jaenelle is sitting on Daemon's lap and Cassie tries to sit on Saetan's lap, but he moves away at the last minute causing her to fall on her ass. She decides the best way to keep her dignity is to act as if that's what she meant to do all along and so consequently stays seated on the floor. Everyone else is spread about as they choose.  
  
Saetan(reading from direction sheet): Alright, everyone, pick a character.  
  
There's a mad dive for the little pawns that are shaped like the characters from the book.  
  
Titian: Damn it, I got Cassandra.  
  
Kartane: Haha, I'm Lucivar.  
  
Hekatah(looks at Jaenelle): What's your name again?  
  
Jaenelle: Jaenelle  
  
Hekatah: Oh, well, I'm you.  
  
Dorothea(innocently): Who got Daemon?  
  
Daemon: I did.  
  
Surreal: Nuh-uh, that's not fair! You can't be yourself.  
  
Daemon: Why not? ::he looks at his character:: Besides, I look hot.  
  
Karla: Here I'll switch with you.  
  
Daemon: Who are you?  
  
Karla: Tersa.  
  
Daemon: No way, I'm so not being Tersa.  
  
Karla: Yes you are!  
  
Daemon: No I'm not!  
  
Karla: Yes!  
  
Daemon: No!  
  
Tersa: I'll be Tersa.  
  
Everyone save Tersa: You can't!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Five switches, four evil glares, and three death threats later, everyone seems satisfied with their character.  
  
Surreal: Okay then the oldest player goes first. The person on their left asks them the question, then play continues on from the oldest person's right. Understand?  
  
Everyone shrugs. No one really understands, but they figure that someone else will figure it out eventually. No one can even remember who's the oldest, so Dorothea is bullied-err, randomly picked to go first.  
  
Hekatah(reading off the card): What was the name of the instrument used to control pleasure slaves?  
  
Saetan, Daemon, and Lucivar all grow red in the face and shoot venomous glances at Dorothy. Meanwhile the ex-High Priestess of Hayall is trying to come up with a response. She glances over at Daemon, who is sitting next to her.  
  
Dorothy: Hey Sadi, maybe you could refresh my memory. . .::her hand rests lightly on his knee::  
  
Daemon: Ewww!!!!! Gross! Rape! That is unwanted physical contact, she needs to be punished!  
  
MDV: I didn't see anything.  
  
Daemon: But. . .but. . .!!! ::he continues to sputter indignantly for awhile::  
  
Lucivar(to Dorothy): I can't believe you don't remember this answer!  
  
Dorothy: Hey Lucivar, guess what? They're still watching us!  
  
Lucivar is seized with another panic attack and runs screaming out of the room. Kartane gets up and adds more dip to the chips while Dorothy finally gives up.  
  
Hekatah: It was a ring of obedience, dumbass.  
  
Dorothy: Oh well excuse me if I can't remember the name of some cheap piece of metal. And who are you to call me a dumbass? After all, it's your fault we were defeated at the end of the series.  
  
Hekatah: Oh, here it comes, the whole I-knew-daemon-was-faking-it lecture. Everyone is so sick of that by now, I mean honestly woman, try to be original if you're going to play the blame game.  
  
Jaenelle: Everyone shut up! It's my turn, and I demand everyone's undivided attention.  
  
Dorothy(reading off card): What was the name of the Witch that Saetan SaDiablo served?  
  
Jaenelle(glaring at Dorothy): Oh, figures, you get all the easy ones.  
  
Everyone stares at Jaenelle while Cassie turns redder and redder.  
  
Jaenelle: Well, I'm just going to have to pass on this one. I mean, there are so many Witches and stuff, it's impossible to remember them all by NAME. I mean, do they expect me to be a bloody genius?  
  
Saetan: Uh, Jaenelle, dearest, it was Cassandra.  
  
Jaenelle: Who?  
  
Saetan: Cassie.  
  
Jaenelle(looking down at the psycho chick on the floor): Oh, well, no offense?  
  
Cassie(fake plastic smile): None whatsoever ::goes on to mutter about how she's the Tigress::  
  
Jaenelle( reading off card to Daemon): Daemon, sweetie, here's your question. What is Jaenelle's-hey that's me!- last name?  
  
Everyone save Daemon sighs in exasperation. Titian, who is next to Daemon, is already mentally preparing for her question. After several moments of silence, however, all eyes revert back to Daemon.  
  
Jaenelle(nervously clearing throat): Daemon, hon, did you hear me?  
  
Beads of very unattractive sweat start appearing on his forehead.  
  
Jaenelle: Daemon. . .sweetheart. . .what is my last name?  
  
Daemon(apologetically): Well Jaenelle, babe, I AM 1500+ years old. . .I've heard a lot of last names over the years. . .I don't really pay attention to them anymore.  
  
Jaenelle(enraged): I can't believe you don't even know my last name! I knew it, somehow I knew things were different between us! We have absolutely nothing in common anymore!!  
  
Daemon: It's not that big of a deal.  
  
Jaenelle(gasping for breath): NOT. . .THAT. . . BIG OF A. . .DEAL!!!!!!!!!! IT'S MY LAST NAME!!!!!!!! ::she becomes so upset she begins to do that freaky spiral-thingy into madness::  
  
Daemon: Oh, here we go again. Everytime something upsets you or you don't get your own way, you threaten to go insane on my ass. Well this time I'm not caving in. Go ahead, go insane, see if I care!!  
  
Everyone save the feuding couple is watching the argument with much amusement. Karla has popped some popcorn, so she and the other nine people are munching on their treat while the fight takes place.  
  
Jaenelle: You know what, you're just acting like this because you haven't been getting any!  
  
Dead silence rings throughout the house. Saetan's handful of popcorn freezes halfway to his mouth. Surreal takes a noisy sip of her pop.  
  
Daemon(absolutely livid): I don't need you for that! I could get anyone in this house, even the men!  
  
Jaenelle: Oh yeah!  
  
Daemon: Yeah!  
  
Jaenelle: Fine, we're so like oh my God, through!!!!!!!  
  
Daemon: Fine!  
  
Tersa: Hehehe! Game over!!!! Do not pass Go, Do not collect two hundred dollars.  
  
* * * * *  
  
Day 6  
  
* * * * *  
  
Everyone is anxiously seated around the living room, waiting for the announcement of the MDV. The house has been divided into two groups: those that support Jaenelle and those that support Daemon. Jaenelle's group consists of Saetan, Cassandra, Karla, Kartane, and Lucivar. Daemon's group is Tersa, Titian, Surreal, Dorothea, and Hekatah.  
  
MDV(in an unnaturally cheerful mood): Good morning my friends, how are we feeling today?  
  
Everyone glares where they would imagine the MDV to be, consequently Jaenelle and Daemon inadvertently make eye contact but quickly look away again.  
  
MDV: Doesn't anyone care to find out who will be leaving our happy home today?  
  
Silence  
  
MDV: Can I at LEAST get a drumroll please?  
  
More silence. . . a cricket chirps in the distance  
  
Titian: I hate that damn cricket!!! It never shuts up!!!  
  
Titian is ignored, and the MDV gets a drumroll from herself, but adds cool sound effects so it sounds like a death march instead of a drumroll.  
  
MDV: And the first person kicked out of the house is-  
  
Daemon(whispering to Jaenelle, who is coincidentally seated right next to him): Jaenelle, in case we never see each other again I just want to say-  
  
MDV: Hekatah!!  
  
Saetan: Yes!  
  
Karla: Well there's a surprise.  
  
Dorothy: Muahahahahaha! Now my plan to be the dominant evil figure in the house is complete!  
  
Kartane: What about me?  
  
Dorothy: You? You're nobody. . .hardly evil at all.  
  
Kartane: Oh yeah?  
  
Dorothy: Yeah. . . squirt.  
  
Kartane looks about to respond, but instead goes into the corner and balls his eyes out. Hekatah is dragged off and everyone breathes easier when she leaves.  
  
Jaenelle(secretively): Daemon, what were you going to say to me, right before Hekatah was announced.  
  
Daemon(struggles to find the words to explain how he feels): Just that you're a stuck-up prissy conceited snot.  
  
Jaenelle: Oh. . .well, I'm rubber and you're glue. . .  
  
Daemon: Oh, please, spare me.  
  
They stomp away with their minions in tow  
  
* * * * *  
  
Well, there you have it folks. What will happen in the next episode? Will Jaenelle and Daemon make up? Will the cricket ever shut up? Also, nominations are now being accepted for whom you want to see kicked out next, and each character starts the next episode with a clean slate. Remember you can nominate two characters but only vote for one. Au revoir! 


End file.
